Allen and I have had so much fun preparing Zoe’s nursery.  Allen did an amazing job drawing and painting a mural for her room.  She will be so proud of her daddy!! We are getting really excited for her to be here, I will be going in the hospital 2 weeks from Monday, wow, that is so soon.  As of right now she weighs approx. 6 lbs and has a head full of hair!!! Praise God, what a little miracle.

Thanks to everyone who has already spoiled her with so many things and for your help getting ready for her.  We would definitely appreciate your prayers as we get closer to the big day.  That everything would continue to go smoothly, and we would trust God completely.  We both have definitely been experiencing all sorts of emotions.  Some grieving, missing the other six, some fear of all that is to come and that all will be ok, and just a mixture of things (prob some of my crazy hormones!)  But God continues to take us step by step and gives us way more than we deserve, so thankful for His grace.

This is my prayer, Glory to God, no matter what.  No matter how I feel.  I desperately want all details of my life to bring glory to God.  Man, it can be so distracting to have bunches of feelings in the way.  One of our best friends spoke a lot of truth last nite at the gathering into truth vs. feelings.  It is helping me to mesh through things I wrestle with.  You can take a look at www.midtowncolumbia.com if you want to listen to the podcast.  As we get closer to having Zoe, I have been working through some different emotions/feelings.  I have not refocused to scripture/truth everytime.  I definitely question what is ok to feel, and if I am responding right.  Especially when thinking about some of the tougher things we’ve experienced with balancing the new great things in the making.  With that said, Lord, take my life and let it be all for you and for your glory!

Everything is going well with baby Zoe, now closer to 6 1/2 months, it is really starting to go by fast.  Everytime she moves is such a huge encouragement!  Just trying to rest a good bit, and trying to prepare my heart for the changes ahead.  I am very very excited…especially as each week passes and gets closer to her being here.

I have been reflecting some lately and seeing different ways my heart was a year ago and now, and what God has been revealing and teaching me.  There has been conversations with other moms that have lost babies that I find them saying things that I said and seeing what it looks like to talk and encourage at this point verses in the middle of grief.  I feel like God is showing me a whole different side of hope and what that looks like.  The way he shows truth over and over again keeps me going.  There are still times of question of why we lost six children but He  shows where He is getting glory through it all, and lives are changed.  So thankful for that!

23 weeks is a huge mile marker because when I was pregnant with the sextuplets I never made it that far.  I have started to feel her move a whole lot, and just this week Allen got to feel her kicking, which is something else we never experienced because there were too many for them to move around.  I go back to the doctor in a couple of weeks and look forward to seeing how she is growing and developing.  Gosh, I am so undeserving of such a blessing, but I am really getting so pumped to be a mom and love on this little girl.

I also finally put some flowers on the babies grave marker, this still feels pretty surreal, but reminds me of God’s hope so so much.

Lastly, we close on our house tomorrow that we’ve lived in for 5 years, which I can’t believe it has been that long, but ready to move on to the next chapter.

Here is what’s new…

• For those of you that don’t know, we have named our little baby girl “Zoe Elizabeth”-I will explain more about the meaning of her name soon!  Everything is going well with her, I am a little over 5 months along, and will be induced September 20th (of course could change!)  A lot of the time I feel like things are going by so fast, I think it is because we have been busy, but I want to continue to enjoy things.

• Some of you knew we were putting our house up for sale to be able to move into downtown Columbia.  Well, we put our house on the market with the help of an awesome realtor, Jason Compton, and within 6 days we had a contract!!!!God was on the move for us selling the house for sure!  I had no idea it would sell that fast!  So pretty quickly we started looking at houses, because we close on our house June 18 (yes, less than 2 weeks from now!!)  Allen and I quickly realized our individual tastes, I like the newer, he likes the older.  Well guess what?  We found a house, and it is a very old house that has been completely gutted and is being redone, and we close on it July 16th!  Allen and I keep telling ourselves how quickly this stuff is happening!  We graciously had special friends to come last weekend and move some stuff for us, and we were gone, and didn’t even now they were doing it!! What a sweet surprise, we were so so thankful.  We also have some folks letting us “house sit” for them during the weeks we are without either house!!Thank You!

We are looking forward to having people over once we move in the new house.  I will try to write on here more, we will see!

I’m so forgetful, but You always remind me

You’re the only one who brings me peace

You’re the only one who brings me peace

So I come, Lord I come

I come, Lord I come

To tell you I love you

To tell you I need you

To tell you there’s no better place for me than in your arms

To tell you I’m sorry

For running in circles

For placing my focus on the waves, not on your face

You’re the only one who brings me peace

You’re the only one who brings me peace

Bridge:

In the storm

In the storm

This is specifically for those of you who I know whose hearts are torn, healing, and changed especially at Mother’s Day.  Just to name a few, this is for…Heather, Erica, Sara, Sara, Liz, Sammy, Heather, Molly, Brianna, Rebecca, Lauren, Alison, Wendy, Dee, and many many more.  Some of you are in the depths of grief from losing a child just weeks ago, some of you are expecting currently, some of you have children but for sure never forget the ones you’ve lost, you are my heroes, know you are loved much!  I can say nothing that will take the sting away.  I just encourage you to share your story with someone, do something to treat yourself, and let others love on you.  I pray God will continue to strengthen you and give you peace.

Mom, this is for you, thank you for your unconditional love and all you do for me.  Thank you for celebrating with me in the great things, and crying with the tough things.  Thank you for your wisdom and perseverance, even when it is not easy at all.  Thank you for helping me no matter what it looks like.  Thank you and I love you…I don’t tell you enough! I wish you a Happy Mother’s Day!!

As I walked from the Baby Floor to another part of the hospital, my heart and brain were switching gears into a very different mode.  I was making my way to the “We Remember” support group.  The group is a mixture of those who have lost babies through stillbirth, miscarriages, etc.  I have been going periodically to the group over the last year, and it has been a huge help for me.  But I have had many conversations with others in the group and one of the main things we all have voiced is…I didn’t sign up for this “club,” I never thought I would be in this “club,” I am not excited to join/be in this “club”!!  These are all statements we try to even talk ourselves out of the reality you don’t want to be in sometimes.

I mentioned all of that above, before sharing what a  blessing the support group is and the experience that is happening now.  It has been a safe place to say all the crazy things you are thinking, but really everyone else in the room is too!  Through this group, we have now started to meet earlier before the meetings just to have dinner together.  It is so neat how God has put all this together.  The hurts are all different, the experiences all different, the grieving all different…all these things unique…but somehow we are all able to love on each other and heal together.  Thank you Lord for this group.

I also wanted to talk about this because since being pregnant I have been hesitant on whether I should go back, I don’t want to cause others extra pain.  But I think this last time was confirmation that God is using that time in big ways.  One of the big things is meeting people where they are at whether they lost a baby 2 weeks ago or 5 years ago- and listening and empathizing from that point on.  So even though I didn’t sign up for this “club” I am glad I can do it with these folks, and see God working through it all.