Pressing On
“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
2 Corinthians 4:16-18
This verse really stuck out to me as I was reading some scripture today, it reminds me that God has His arms wrapped around us, and is helping me to PRESS ON in every moment, even when it is tough
Yesterday, would have been 28 weeks for me in my pregnancy. From the time I started seeing our high risk doctor, Dr. Gregg, that was his goal, and what we had our eyes focused on. I am not usually a dates or numbers person, but being pregnant made you think this way. At 28 weeks, the babies chance of survival would have gone from 40 to 50% to 90%…so close yet really far away. As I thought about this yesterday, it has been 7 weeks since I delivered the last babies. In one breath I think we were so close, because it seems like everything just happened a week ago, and then in another breath it seems like how would have ever made it this long!
Thank you God for putting people around me constantly to encourage and push me towards you. Thank you God for loving me, and caring about me. Thank you God for a servant husband. Thank you God for my family. Thank you God for unexpected blessings. I will praise you even when I am weak. I miss being pregnant, I miss our babies, but I will press on…
05/05/2009 at 7:41 am
Thank you so much for writing and sharing your journey. We have lost five babies through miscarriage. Some we have seen on ultrasound. We know one baby was a healthy baby boy who we named Justin. You are right about dates taking more meaning. I think it will always be this way. It has been so hard. Your writings and the scripture you share have been such an encouragement to me. Thank you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
05/05/2009 at 8:44 am
How are you doing? Wow, how long ago was that for you? Thanks for your encouragement. I hope everytime I write on our blog that people see Jesus, and not me, but God working through our story! Have a good day, Courtney
05/05/2009 at 9:38 am
your words are a healing not only for you but for me as I process our losses. It has been over 2 yrs and I still feel the pain when the dates roll around. You will never forget. I have recently been able to minister to a few friends that have had some losses of their own and God is blessing me through that.
05/05/2009 at 9:53 am
You do not know me, but Allen does know me from Clemson. Back when Allen knew me, I was about to go to seminary to become a pastor. Now, after a big change of plans, I am in medical school to become a physician.
I say that because I now understand why a lot of medical problems happen (perhaps not as many as I would like, but enough). I understand why your babies had little-to-no chance at life being delivered at 21 weeks (lack of surfactant in the lungs).
But I still have enough of a theologian in me to not understand why such suffering can occur. But I’m not sure you guys would ever be satisfied with an “answer” if someone had one to bring. You simply want some degree of peace and comfort that only God can bring.
So what I’m trying to say is that I hope God gives you that soothing care that only he can give, whether that be in this life or the next. And take heart in that history shows our God to be one never to lose sight of the innocent and the helpless. Though science may sometimes lose, his love never fails.
05/06/2009 at 10:12 am
You speak to so many in your blog through your walk with Jesus Christ. One strong hold in life is true faith in our Lord and Savior. We see your true faith through your writings. Your Dad would be so proud!
05/10/2009 at 12:00 am
Oh Courtney, my heart just breaks for you. This is such a long journey and you are just at the beginning. Dates. Such a tiny thing, but also such a huge thing that will knock you on your back. They just tend to sneak up on you and when you realize the significance of it, at times it is so hard to breathe. I know that when Ben and I lost our baby it was so hard, and I still have a hard time with Feb 19th. But when Ethan passed it was as if the bottom had just fallen out of our world. Even though he wasn’t my baby, I felt such pain. I know how hard his birthday and the days leading up to it were for me; I can’t imagine how it feels to be a parent(s). Seeing kids that are the same age, or hearing someone call his name, at times just stops you in your tracks and you can’t help but cry and smile imagining how he would be if he had lived. My heart goes out to you and Allen both, and know that I am here if you need anything.