The Tipping Family

Before the world was made
Before you spoke it to be
You were the King of Kings
Yeah you were, yeah you were
And now you’re reigning still
Enthroned above all things
Angels and saints cry out
We join them as we sing
CHORUS:
Glory to God, Glory to God
Glory to God, Forever
Glory to God, Glory to God
Glory to God, Forever
Creator God you gave me breath so I could praise
Your great and matchless name
All my days, all my days
So let my whole life be
A blazing offering
A life that shouts and sings
The greatness of the King
CHORUS:
Glory to God, Glory to God
Glory to God, Forever
Glory to God, Glory to God
Glory to God, Forever
Take my life and let it be
All for you and for your glory
Take my life and let it be yours
Take my life and let it be
All for you and for your glory
Take my life and let it be yours 

This is my prayer, Glory to God, no matter what.  No matter how I feel.  I desperately want all details of my life to bring glory to God.  Man, it can be so distracting to have bunches of feelings in the way.  One of our best friends spoke a lot of truth last nite at the gathering into truth vs. feelings.  It is helping me to mesh through things I wrestle with.  You can take a look at www.midtowncolumbia.com if you want to listen to the podcast.  As we get closer to having Zoe, I have been working through some different emotions/feelings.  I have not refocused to scripture/truth everytime.  I definitely question what is ok to feel, and if I am responding right.  Especially when thinking about some of the tougher things we’ve experienced with balancing the new great things in the making.  With that said, Lord, take my life and let it be all for you and for your glory!

Just wanted to share this really quickly. God is teaching me a ton through us moving houses.  So we officially moved this weekend, and it really was incredible the amount of help we had throughout the weekend.  God has blessed us way more than we deserve with the community/family around us.  I will be honest, it is really hard for me not to be able to pick up boxes and be doing lots of the moving, but there was no need everyone was pitching in and doing everything.  I was overwhelmed.  Also, through the weekend, I have been realizing how God has us exactly where he wants us to be, in our  neighborhood, on our street, in our house, and all we have to do is be obedient.  My confession is I definitely can be a “doer” and having people helping so much and also just realizing there is no need to stress, I have been very at ease and enjoying this new little step in the journey!!

Eeks…sorry it has been almost a month since I have posted anything!  We have been in between houses for about a month now, living with our friend Denise.  She has been so great to let us stay at her place until our house is ready!  But the big day is Friday, we will be closing on our house this friday!! Yippee, we are very excited.  Looking forward to this new little stage of life.  It has been a neat time for Allen and I to really grow closer and closer together making bigger decisions together and really just gettting excited about things together.  We pray our new house will be a place God has designed to welcome people around us in to and a place for new things to start.  Please come visit us!

Everything is going well with baby Zoe, now closer to 6 1/2 months, it is really starting to go by fast.  Everytime she moves is such a huge encouragement!  Just trying to rest a good bit, and trying to prepare my heart for the changes ahead.  I am very very excited…especially as each week passes and gets closer to her being here.

I have been reflecting some lately and seeing different ways my heart was a year ago and now, and what God has been revealing and teaching me.  There has been conversations with other moms that have lost babies that I find them saying things that I said and seeing what it looks like to talk and encourage at this point verses in the middle of grief.  I feel like God is showing me a whole different side of hope and what that looks like.  The way he shows truth over and over again keeps me going.  There are still times of question of why we lost six children but He  shows where He is getting glory through it all, and lives are changed.  So thankful for that!

I know some of you may be wondering what I mean when I say, 23 weeks as the title…tomorrow I will official be 23 weeks along with little baby Zoe.  Zoe, in scripture, means “life.”  Allen and I felt like this was perfect for her, and what God has done and continues to do.  I will write more about her name later.

23 weeks is a huge mile marker because when I was pregnant with the sextuplets I never made it that far.  I have started to feel her move a whole lot, and just this week Allen got to feel her kicking, which is something else we never experienced because there were too many for them to move around.  I go back to the doctor in a couple of weeks and look forward to seeing how she is growing and developing.  Gosh, I am so undeserving of such a blessing, but I am really getting so pumped to be a mom and love on this little girl.

I also finally put some flowers on the babies grave marker, this still feels pretty surreal, but reminds me of God’s hope so so much.

Lastly, we close on our house tomorrow that we’ve lived in for 5 years, which I can’t believe it has been that long, but ready to move on to the next chapter.

So these are just a few pictures of the Masche family, who moved from Arizona to Destin, Florida right after Christmas.  My mom and I went out to visit them back in April, so sorry it took so long to get pictures up.  This is Bailey, Savannah, Molli, Grant, Blake, and Cole.  Jenny, the mom, is very near and dear to my heart, I appreciate her a ton, and look up to her a ton. She is an amazing mom and has been such an encouragement to me.

So I have been slack lately with writing on the blog, May was quite the world wind…but I am so excited for summer, and to be on a break from work…Schools out for summer!!!  I hope everyone has some fun getaways planned for the summer, we will have a little beach time at the end of june.

Here is what’s new…

• For those of you that don’t know, we have named our little baby girl “Zoe Elizabeth”-I will explain more about the meaning of her name soon!  Everything is going well with her, I am a little over 5 months along, and will be induced September 20th (of course could change!)  A lot of the time I feel like things are going by so fast, I think it is because we have been busy, but I want to continue to enjoy things.

• Some of you knew we were putting our house up for sale to be able to move into downtown Columbia.  Well, we put our house on the market with the help of an awesome realtor, Jason Compton, and within 6 days we had a contract!!!!God was on the move for us selling the house for sure!  I had no idea it would sell that fast!  So pretty quickly we started looking at houses, because we close on our house June 18 (yes, less than 2 weeks from now!!)  Allen and I quickly realized our individual tastes, I like the newer, he likes the older.  Well guess what?  We found a house, and it is a very old house that has been completely gutted and is being redone, and we close on it July 16th!  Allen and I keep telling ourselves how quickly this stuff is happening!  We graciously had special friends to come last weekend and move some stuff for us, and we were gone, and didn’t even now they were doing it!! What a sweet surprise, we were so so thankful.  We also have some folks letting us “house sit” for them during the weeks we are without either house!!Thank You!

We are looking forward to having people over once we move in the new house.  I will try to write on here more, we will see!

I wanted to share something this weekend, and I have been torn how to best explain what I want to get across…but here it goes!!  If you get a chance, glance back at the post I did last May, it is titled “Reality.”  For two reasons, one to refer you to a great entry on another friend’s blog, and also to see how God has worked in specific ways to bring me to where I am now (which is so helpful for me to look back and reflect on).  This doesn’t mean that I don’t struggle, I don’t get sad, I don’t need constant strength from our God everyday.  Mother’s Day brings up lot of different emotions, one thing that is more apparent to me is I am worthy to be called a mom this mother’s day.  A year ago, not at all.  But at the same, our worth is 1st and most imporantly, in our Lord, who weeps with us, and rejoices with us always.  My friend, Lindsey sent me this song, that is so perfect and describes things well…and helps in what I want to share next.  The song is called “Running in Circles” by United Pursuit.

I’m so forgetful, but You always remind me

You’re the only one who brings me peace

You’re the only one who brings me peace

So I come, Lord I come

I come, Lord I come

To tell you I love you

To tell you I need you

To tell you there’s no better place for me than in your arms

To tell you I’m sorry

For running in circles

For placing my focus on the waves, not on your face

You’re the only one who brings me peace

You’re the only one who brings me peace

Bridge:

In the storm

In the storm

This is specifically for those of you who I know whose hearts are torn, healing, and changed especially at Mother’s Day.  Just to name a few, this is for…Heather, Erica, Sara, Sara, Liz, Sammy, Heather, Molly, Brianna, Rebecca, Lauren, Alison, Wendy, Dee, and many many more.  Some of you are in the depths of grief from losing a child just weeks ago, some of you are expecting currently, some of you have children but for sure never forget the ones you’ve lost, you are my heroes, know you are loved much!  I can say nothing that will take the sting away.  I just encourage you to share your story with someone, do something to treat yourself, and let others love on you.  I pray God will continue to strengthen you and give you peace.

Mom, this is for you, thank you for your unconditional love and all you do for me.  Thank you for celebrating with me in the great things, and crying with the tough things.  Thank you for your wisdom and perseverance, even when it is not easy at all.  Thank you for helping me no matter what it looks like.  Thank you and I love you…I don’t tell you enough! I wish you a Happy Mother’s Day!!

Last Tuesday afternoon started off with a sweet hospital visit to one of the Hispanic families I work with who just had twins at 29 weeks.  The babies and family are doing fine.  It was special getting to spend time loving on this family, especially since they don’t have many family members here, and were eager to share pictures and tell their story. 

As I walked from the Baby Floor to another part of the hospital, my heart and brain were switching gears into a very different mode.  I was making my way to the “We Remember” support group.  The group is a mixture of those who have lost babies through stillbirth, miscarriages, etc.  I have been going periodically to the group over the last year, and it has been a huge help for me.  But I have had many conversations with others in the group and one of the main things we all have voiced is…I didn’t sign up for this “club,” I never thought I would be in this “club,” I am not excited to join/be in this “club”!!  These are all statements we try to even talk ourselves out of the reality you don’t want to be in sometimes.

I mentioned all of that above, before sharing what a  blessing the support group is and the experience that is happening now.  It has been a safe place to say all the crazy things you are thinking, but really everyone else in the room is too!  Through this group, we have now started to meet earlier before the meetings just to have dinner together.  It is so neat how God has put all this together.  The hurts are all different, the experiences all different, the grieving all different…all these things unique…but somehow we are all able to love on each other and heal together.  Thank you Lord for this group.

I also wanted to talk about this because since being pregnant I have been hesitant on whether I should go back, I don’t want to cause others extra pain.  But I think this last time was confirmation that God is using that time in big ways.  One of the big things is meeting people where they are at whether they lost a baby 2 weeks ago or 5 years ago- and listening and empathizing from that point on.  So even though I didn’t sign up for this “club” I am glad I can do it with these folks, and see God working through it all.

Sorry I haven’t posted pics from Florida, I will try, there are some precious ones of the kids.  So here goes really honest to the heart Courtney…which I have not been so great at doing lately.  Not just blogging, but even just journaling and being refueled with the word has been lacking lately.

Beautiful…well I couldn’t be more excited to tell you that we are going to be having a baby girl! We found out on Friday at the end of a procedure I had done called a circlage, which will hopefully support my cervix for the remainder of pregnancy.  This brought so much realness and beauty to being pregnant and carrying this precious little thing inside of me.  Allen melted my heart as he walked in the house on Saturday with an adorable white dress with butterflies on it…his words were “I guess daddy needs to be the first one to buy her little girl a dress!”  God is taking care of us in so many ways, and I pray daily that we would bring Glory to Him, whether beautiful or messy.

Mess…So Friday was the first time Allen had been back to Richland Hospital since we lost the babies, and the first time I was having anything done there.  We were so well taken cared of, and I felt very at peace.  A very precious nurse, Tresa, came in and took care of me, even though she wasn’t suppose to work that day.  I saw many familiar faces just peeking there head in to make sure we were doing ok and that they were excited for us.  This was all just a little heavy because of past memories, but at the same time making new sweet memories, and trusting God.  After my procedure they needed to check the heartbeat with the doppler to make sure all was safe with the baby, and they couldn’t find a heartbeat…this was really scary!! But they quickly did an ultrasound and all was ok, whew! 

I feel more of a mess today, as I let out some tears this morning, just being scared and unsure all is going to be ok…but also confessing to God…I am not fully trusting you and I want to!  I don’t let out emotions enough, but definitely felt torn apart in ways this morning.

I say all this for you to see more into my heart, and know I don’t have it all together. Most of the time a beautiful mess.

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are-yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throan of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”  Hebrews 4:15-16