The Tipping FamilyRedefining Normal

Allen and I were gone practically every weekend in January, but it proved to be some of the most fun things we have done in quite sometime!  I love that we got to spend time and make these memories together.

Top 10 of January “2010″ (in no particular order!)

10.  5 great days out in Colorado with husband, mom, and great friend Denise

9.  Two awesome days of skiing-the mountains are beautiful at Brekenridge.

8.  A sleighride at Copper Mountain at sunset with mom and allen.

7.Shopping at one of my favorite stores-REI twice!!!

6.  Adventure to Maggie Valley with Allen’s family and Clash and Kristi to scope out a mountian house

5. Fabulous Tubing in Catalochee and mostly laughing as Allen’s mom got spun around as she started going down the hill, and continued yelling the entire way!!!

4.  Great car ride up to Gatlinburg for Family Vacation with my friend Julie-this is a weekend away trip for all the members of our church, Midtown, to spend reflecting on the many ways God is at work.

3. A fun surprise birthday for Dustin, one of our best friends here, up in the mountain after midnite!

2.   Even though it was quite different because a majority of the folks weren’t able to come because of the weather, it was great to get to have some meaningful time with the families, kids, and singles in our church!

1.  I felt like a total kid- We went sledding, and it was the most fun I have had in a while! We went out about 11 on Saturday night and found huge hills to sled down, sooooo fun, and made snow ice cream.  Then we got up Sunday morning and sled more.  My friend, Renie and I had a blast finding some long runs to race down, loved this time to hang with her.

I will post some picures from some of these things soon! I hope everyone is having a good start to their February.  I have a request….Tell me some special things you are planning to do for your “special someone’s” for Valentines???

A pre-warning I apologize if this sounds selfish, these are just a few deeper things that have been stirring in my heart that I wish were different and stuff.

• I wish that all six babies were here with us
• I wish I could see them growing and having milestones like eating new things, crawling, laughing, mumbling, etc.
• I wish I could relate to mom’s the way I thought I would a year ago
• I wish people didn’t act awkward at times with talking about the babies
• I wish I was pregnant
• I wish I was a mom
• and as time gets closer I wish it wasn’t creeping up on a year since everything happened (March) and I could rewind time.

The amazing thing in all this is God is still a huge God full of grace and love, and I cling to that daily.

• All six babies are with Jesus, in Heaven!
• Hopefully, God can use our story to be able to relate and love on others who are hurting, and especially those who have lost children
• It is never awkward when I pour out my heart to Jesus
• God’s timing is perfect
• God knows the desire of my heart
• Approaching March, this is my heavy, focused prayer…whether it fertility, whether it adoption…or whether neither right at this time, that I would be content.  Content in the Lord.

Just wanted to share these things straight from the heart, with not much fluff.  I will update the blog soon with some of the adventures Allen and I have been on in the last few weeks (Colorado trip) and other things.

I just wanted to share with those of you that read the blog about a special lady I got to hang out with on Friday.  Her name is Maria Owens, and she is one of those people that when you are around her you see Jesus in her constantly.  It is kind of neat how God works, when I was in college Maria spoke at one of our women’s retreats, and shared her testimony, and really just encouraged us over a weekend…and I had not seen her or anything since then which was about 7 or 8 years ago!! But, Kristi actually works with her husband, and she had invited me a few months back to go hear Maria speak at Spring Valley Baptist, and I was super excited because I remembered her from way back!!! Maria has a website you can look up, www.mariaowens.org/bio, if you are interested in her coming to speak or share by the way.  Her testimony is incredible, and neat to see Jesus working amidst crazy circumstances. So anyway, we got together Friday, and Maria was such a blessing to me, she asked the hard questions, listened to me sharing about our babies, encouraged me, cried with me, prayed with me-Thank You Maria.  She also shared with me more of her journey and how God had used things along the way, that was very inspiring.  God, thank you for allowing this special time with Maria, and using her to speak truth into my life.

I have been in Edisto this past week, and Allen and I had a great time bringing in the New Year with his family.  His mom had gotten 1,000 glow sticks that we made a complete Mario Brothers scene with (because we have played Wii Mario all week!) Then we all watched the ball drop and had breakfast right after midnight and shared more roses and thorns. I hope everyone had fun celebrating the New Year-if you did something different this year or something crazy happened please comment and let me know!!

My thoughts are a little scattered right now…and a little bit broken feeling right now, but also I am so encouraged and ready for the new year, and continue to trust in Ephesians 3:14-21 (this version is The Message), which says:

^14-19My response is to get down on my knees before the Father, this magnificent Father who parcels out all heaven and earth. I ask him to strengthen you by his Spirit—not a brute strength but a glorious inner strength—that Christ will live in you as you open the door and invite him in. And I ask him that with both feet planted firmly on love, you’ll be able to take in with all followers of Jesus the extravagant dimensions of Christ’s love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! Live full lives, full in the fullness of God.  ^20-21God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.

I am pretty sure the part I bolded means I should never doubt the God we serve, and wow that really hits hard.  I think I sometimes forget and deny how big and powerful our God is. Throughout most of the last two weeks Allen and I have been around people and staying pretty busy, and we will be traveling home tomorrow, and I am definitely starting to reflect a lot more. I pray I don’t put a shield over my eyes to be able to see what God is teaching and pushing me towards. I will try to continue to share more.

Best Described with these Two words.  Here is a little update on the Christmas Break thus far.  We have been going around the dinner table at night this week, while I have been at the beach with Allen’s family sharing a rose and a thorn (one good and one bad thing from the day). P.S.-This is a little lengthy-sorry!

Please comment back to me on your roses and thorns for the day/week/your christmas…whatever you would like to share.

Roses

• Christmas Caroling around Fountain Inn (my hometown) in the back of a flatbed truck along with about fifty others to about 6 elderly ladies.  It lite up their faces to see people singing christmas songs to them.
• Walking around Downtown Greenville with Allen and Mom, special delivery to Salvation Army, and dinner at the Peddler-an amazing Steakhouse with a delicious salad bar.
• White Elephant Gift Exchange at my aunt’s house having giggles watching everyone picking out gifts.
• Talking to my cousin Jennifer about adoption-her and her husband are waiting for their newborn baby
• Scavenger Hunt at my house-long running tradition on Christmas morning to scurry all over the house looking for clues with money attached with each one…pretty good deal right??
• Traveling to Rock Hill to be with Allen’s Dads side of the family and getting to play and sing with his twin girl cousins…so adorable!!!
• Great conversations with Chelsie-Allen’s cousin who has been away at a Wilderness Camp in Montana.
• Good chats with His dad driving back the next day
• Opening gifts with Allen’s family- all of the boys got remote control helicopters…OMG…you would have thought all of them were 6 again…it took us 5 hours to open presents because they were playing with their helicopters!!!  But it was worth it completely to watch them concentrate on driving them and then crashing them into the windows, fans, you name it they hit it!
• To Edisto for the week…beautiful beach on South Carolina Coast not far from Charleston…we have been here for a few days with the Tipping Family.
• Go Tigers-Great win for Clemson Bowl Game! Yeah CJ Spiller!
• Playing Football on the Beach
• Beautiful Sunsets
• Playing The Wii-Mario Brothers is amazing
• Warm Swimming Pool
• Family Karoake…and most of us can’t sing!
• Bike riding around the island
• Brian,my brother-in-law, worked with me for a few hours today updating this blog and teaching me a few things, he is amazing with this stuff. Thanks Man!! He does this kind of stuff for a living! you should check him out…http://www.designabouttown.com/, this is his works website.
• One-on-one talks with Wimberly and Becka, my sister-in-laws.

Thorns

• Packing up to come home for Christmas remembering last year thinking this would be the last easy preparation for traveling, because the following one we would be packing for six, and realizing things are totally changed and different than we would have every imagined.
• My friend, Krist’s grandad being in ICU all through Christmas, making family things very heavy this season
• First few festivities with Allen’s family without his sister’s being here yet, I have really missed them this year.
• Allen’s Aunt has been really sick this year dealing with back surgery, stroke, brain surgery, and now lung cancer- and seeing her so fragile and sick
• Marital problems with some family friends from Greenville
• Not seeing a lot of people over Christmas that I had planned on seeing, but hopefully will be able to reconnect soon.
• Mom had a little fall while putting up Christmas stuff- just realy sore.
• Missing my dad a good bit more this Christmas.
• Awkwardness of people not knowing what to say to me that haven’t seen me since loosing the babies.
• Doing the things I love to do with a half broken heart just wishing things were a little different.

With my love and my sadness
I come before You Lord
My heart’s in a thousand pieces
Maybe even more

Yet I trust in this moment
You’re with me somehow
And You’ve always been faithful
So Lord even now

When all that I can sing
Is a broken hallelujah
When my only offering
Is shattered praise
Still a song of adoration
Will rise up from these ruins
I will worship You and give You thanks
Even when my only praise
Is a broken hallelujah

Oh Father, You have given
Much more than I deserve
And I have felt Your hand of blessing
On me at every turn

How could I doubt Your goodness
Your wisdom, Your grace
So Lord hear my heart
In this painful place

Chorus

Hallelujah
I lift my voice
Your Spirit moves
I raise my hands
I reach for You

Chorus
(Psalm 42:1-5, Acts 16:22-25a)

Please take time to read the lyrics and also look at these scriptures. During this season and all season’s my desire is to glorify and exemplify Jesus in all I do.  That is not always pretty, especially when you are hurting or grieving.  But I praise my God and continue to trust in His promises, and praise Him for all He has done for us.  My hope this week as we go home for Christmas is to love on our families and cling to Jesus remembering all He does for us that we don’t deserve. God’s Love is so Deep, so Wide, we can’t even imagine.

I pray that each of you if you read this have a wonderful time with family and friends and feel the love of Jesus in a huge way.

On a side note…I really want to be sharing more on here, and haven’t been good at all lately, and keep saying I will do better…well hopefully I will-I want to be more real with where life is.

I am sorry I haven’t written on here in like the past two months, wow, that is a while for sure!! In the next few days I will be updating a lot more! I hope that everyone is having a good weekend!

“We can do no great things, only small things with great love.”   -mother teresa

Yesterday marked 3 years since my dad passed away suddenly from a  massive heart attack.  It was a day of remembering, reflecting, and many other things.  I truely can’t believe it has been 3 years.

I loved…

• weekly notes from him in the mail (sometimes daily)
• that he was a good listener and encourager
• that he had  a great sense of humor
• that he loved bubble gum (at least 5 pieces in his mouth at a time!)
• that he was a great counselor to hundreds of middle schoolers
• that he cared deeply about his family
• that at the end of every letter he would write…”I love you more than all the sand on the beach, or I love you more than all the stars in the sky…”
• that he loved to shop, ps. he did most of the Christmas shopping
• that he loved to work in the yard, and plant flowers
• that he loved pens (he probably had 5,000, really)
• that he loved the Lord
• that he loved his wife unconditionally
• that he loved me unconditionally
• that he served and gave constantly

I miss everything about my dad. I love you dad!

This hit me really hard.

I will give you a little background information.  I am a Parent Educator at Windsor, a school in Northeast Columbia, where I work to try to step alongside of parents who have children in our child development program to help them with literacy, development, learning english, etc.  About 50% of our children are Hispanic, and one of my families in particular was expecting a new baby, and the mother went into the hospital to have the baby about a month ago.  She became very very sick and ended up in ICU on a ventilator, and things looked very dim.  Meanwhile, at home was her boyfriend and 3 kids, 2 years old, 4 years old, and 8 years old, and later the newborn ( who is completely healthy).  I kept in very close contact with this family, trying my best to help them with whatever they needed as they hurt and had needs.

Last Tuesday, this precious mother died.  When I got the call from our hispanic social worker, it felt like someone had just pulled away a little chunk of my heart, I hurt deeply for them.  For many reasons, in many ways.  I don’t understand, but God is sovereign.  You see, this mom carried that baby for 9 months, and never got to lay eyes on him, and this precious perfect baby never got to be held by his mommy, fed by his mommy, or kissed by his mommy.  You see, these other children saw their mom before she ever went into the hospital, but never again until she was being put to rest with Jesus.

Allen and I spent time with the girls, 4 and 8 years old the day/night after all had happened, and as we put them to bed, the oldest began to weep and moan.  I did not know what to do except for just hold her as tight as I could.  I can’t take away her pain.  When I look into these girls eyes, they are hurting, they are lonely, they miss their mommy.

Lastly, this family does not have much.  I watched people around the house drop change off to help pay for funeral costs.  I watched neighbors bring over food.  I watched people come into visitation bringing dollar bills they had made that day.  I watched as bags of diapers, formula, and clothes came into our school.  I watched as the last bit of money came together…and the family wept.  This was family.

All of this to say, please don’t take your life for granted.  Whoever it is…tell your parents you love them, tell your spouse you love them, tell your children you love them, tell your friends you love them, tell SOMEONE you LOVE THEM and how SPECIAL they are.

I feel like I have been pretty bad about updating on how things are going or what we are doing…no real excuse…just not slowing down a lot of the time to actually write on here as much as I would like!  Since August rolled around, and now we are almost at the end of September, time is just zooming by!

For the last couple of weeks, I have been going to Charlotte for blood work to prepare for a procedure (tubalplasty and hsg) which was to hopefully clear the fallopian tube that we found out was blocked back in August, due to left over material in the uterus.  I am not sure if I had mentioned before, but we had gone to Charlotte to talk with a new fertility doctor there, really just for some newness.  I had the procedure done on Monday, and actually the tube is still blocked, so we will have to do a further procedure before moving forward with trying again.  This was a little frustrating, just because of being ready to move forward, but also I know it is a part of the process that we have to go through.  Please pray for perseverence, I want to do that and not complain.  Those of you that are around me a lot, you probably hear me complain too much, sorry!

Allen and I have also decided to discontinue going to Charlotte for the doctor, and give the other fertility doctor here in Columbia a try.  It is too draining to go all the way there.  We will see what happens!  I will try to update soon of more life stuff going on!